It’s obvious from the poll on the Welcome post (from the WordPress site; poll closed) that you girls are interested in Sex/Dating topics, so that is where we are going to start. Yay!! Girl Conference!! (That’s code word for “we’re going to talk about things that make you giggle and your parents blush.) So, I am not going to discuss how your actions affect other people like I mentioned in the previous post. Get with me later if you need more clarification on that topic. 🙂
Today, I had one of my sweet girls ask me about the rules Justin and I had when we were dating.
RULES? For dating?
It’s crazy to not have rules, especially if you plan on staying sexually pure. And this may surprise some of you, but a lot of our rules came from Justin. So, let me share with you the things I learned about the male mind and the rules that resulted.
- Justin and I (dating for about 3 weeks)
I want you to be the marrying-kind of girls, not the dating-kind of girls. A marrying-kind of girl is a girl that a guy wants to bring home to meet his mother. She’s the girl that will end up with the ring on her finger and she doesn’t sleep her way to the altar. The dating-kind of girl is a girl that a guy wants to mess around with but has no intention of committing his life to her.
Here is my disclaimer: I do not and will not tolerate any of you manipulating what I am going to share with you in order to attract guys or be more sensual. The entire point is that you take the knowledge I am going to share with you and use it be pure and holy with your bodies and with the way you interact with the males in your life.
We’ll start with an easy one.
Males are visually stimulated, while women are emotionally stimulated.
That means that men get turned on by what they see, and you girls need to remember that. Letting your bra straps, thong or underwear appear above the tops of your jeans, wearing see-through shirts, short skirts OR shorts, tight jeans, tight or low-cut tops, etc. is not okay. You may think that you are looking all cute and sexified, but in reality, it’s trashy. You look dirty, which according to my man, means that you are easy, sleep-around, and don’t value yourself.
So our rules?
I didn’t wear spaghetti-strap tank tops without a sweater or hoodie covering my shoulders.
Why not? Because shoulders are sexy. (I know that sounds crazy but guys are wired differently than us. That’s how God created them.)
Here’s the thing, we all want to look cute, attractive, and sexy. We want the guy we like to think we look pretty, and yes, sometimes we want them to want us. Dressing modestly does not have to mean you wear a turtleneck and ankle-length skirts, but I have heard firsthand from multiple males that when a girl is covered, it leaves more to their imagination (eww!) and it’s more attractive than the girl wearing the tube top and daisy dukes. She may have more guys drooling over her but they aren’t looking at her with respect and they certainly don’t care about how smart she is, her goals, or who she is as a person.
Good rule-of-thumb: place your flat palm on your chest with the side of your thumb touching the bottom of your collarbone. If your shirt doesn’t reach your pinky finger, it’s TOO LOW!
Some of you may be saying, “Wait . . . wait . . . hold on. I have seen your red dress picture. You can’t tell me not wear my sexy clothes.”
There is a difference between dressing up to go to a fancy party like homecoming, prom, or in my case, the Marine Corp Birthday Ball, and wearing slutty clothes day-in and day-out. The two of you that I had the privilege of seeing in your homecoming dresses today looked absolutely beautiful and while the necklines are a little more plunging than I would want you to wear to church or school, it was entirely appropriate for the occasion.
Same goes with my gorgeous red dress! (And to be entirely honest, I almost passed out when I saw the pictures because that dress did not look as low-cut in the mirror.)
Anyway! At the Birthday Ball, there was a girl there in a black fishnet dress with only a bra and panties on underneath.
The Marine Corps thought so, and the Marine who brought her was asked to leave.
I’ll finish this with a story about how I learned this lesson. Justin and I were still in the “talking” phase (you know, not really dating, but almost) and on my way home from work one day, I stopped by his work to see him for a few minutes. I had on a tank/sweater set and when I got to Wal-Mart, I took off the sweater.
I’ll be honest, I went back and forth on that decision, but I wanted to date him and my plan was for him to see how cute I was. So, the sweater was left in the car. He was outside and I walked up to him, feeling good about myself. We chatted for a few minutes, but I noticed that he was standing weird, and our conversation felt awkward. Then I noticed he wasn’t looking at me.
Neither of us remember the exact conversation, but it ended with me running to my car to put my sweater on.
Bottom line: it’s not your place to put impure thoughts into guys’ heads. AND, while yes, they are responsible for their thoughts, don’t allow Satan to use you as a tool leading a guy down a path towards lust, pornography, and sexually impure behavior.
I love you all. Keep those shoulders covered. More rules to follow.