God doesn’t normally tell me “no.”
Whoa…whoa…whoa…
Such a bold statement, I know, but it’s true. Most of the time, I ask for God’s will to be done without being too specific on the request or how the request is to be fulfilled. Many times the answer is “yes” or “wait,” and I like to let God take the lead on how He works things out in my life.
I fully trust the verse that says God works for the good of those who love Him. I also learned from a sermon heard long ago that said when we align our will to God’s, the “yeses” come more often.
However, there is one specific request that I made to God twice in my life. Twice, I prayed a specific prayer, asked for a specific way for my prayer to be answered.
God said no.
Both times.
N – O.
Not wait. Not later, although I mistook the first “no” for a “wait.”
Just no.
With no explanation. Like I’m worthy of an explanation anyway.
I dealt with the “no” a long time ago, and rarely do I feel the same sadness that I used to felt.
Until today.
My eldest niece is visiting, and I had the privilege to take her shopping. We browsed nail polish, necklaces, hair detanglers, and head bands. We made our purchases, and on the way home, I started to cry.
I would have been a really good Mommy to a little girl.
I would never trade my boys for a million girls, and over the last eight years, I’ve learned to be a pretty good mom of boys. Super awesome, in fact. 🙂 But the sadness I experienced when our third child’s sonogram revealed God’s “no” to me came back today.
Not sadness for what I have. The selfish sadness of what I won’t, and the guilt of feeling any type of sadness when I have friends who are unable to have children and I have three healthy boys. Mix all that up with a bundle of hormones and it’s a pretty ugly little pity party.
Today was the first day I realized I would have made a good mom to a little girl, but that’s not God’s plan for me. Maybe we’ll adopt someday, but even then, I wouldn’t mind a little boy. They seem to have claimed my heart.
So I’ll stop the tears, thank God for His wisdom, and kiss three brown-headed, cute-as-a-button little “no’s.”
[reminder]Has God ever told you “no”? How badly did it bother you?[/reminder]
The last time Dave started to look for a ministry, we prayed that we could find one in Florida. I especially wanted so very badly to be back near family. We applied to so many churches with “no” after “no”. Sometimes with people we thought were good friends never even responding after Dave applied, not even to say “sorry, no thanks”. It took a while for us to accept that it was God, not the individual churches or ministers, telling us “no”. Looking back now, we can both see the plan He had for us, and just why we are in the exact location we are. And I, at least, would have never followed His leading had He not slammed the door to Florida shut
Thanks for sharing that, Amy. I’m sorry you’re not in Florida, too!
Those boys do claim your heart, don’t they? I had no idea how much until Gus came along after three girls. I know what it is to be sad though when you want to be able to rejoice and not take for granted the gifts you have. I cried buckets of tears just finding out I was pregnant. Thanks for sharing your heart. And maybe it’s encouraging to know that someday you have the potential for three daughters who love your boys as much as you do!
I’m excited for those three special daughter-in-laws, too!! Glad you got your boy!! 🙂